Here's my first ever 'life post', i'll be doing more of these where I talk about general life topics. My first subject is one that we all go through at one point or another, a break up. You could be the most gorgeous woman in the world, in the most outwardly stable looking relationship, and even you may not know that things are falling apart. I want to show you how to maturely handle a breakup, and avoid the drama that can occur from one.
Now firstly we have to split this post into two areas as either you broke up with someone or they broke up with you. Whichever one it is, there are certain ways you should and shouldn't act after a breakup. When a breakup occurs there are so many emotions that it's difficult to stop a minute and really consider the way you might be acting outwardly. I want to focus on the ways a breakup can be done without the drama that can follow. I am talking from experience here, and have myself done things I wish I could go back and change.
Let's start with a breakup you initiated. Clearly you wanted out of the relationship, it wasn't working for you and so you decided to part ways. However, sometimes we can easily fall back on what we said and be unsure of our decision.
BREAKING UP WITH SOMEONE MATURELY
- If you break up with someone, don't rely on them to be a shoulder to cry on when you need one, nor can you rely on them to be a friend to talk to regularly
- Don't tell your ex you still love them, or give them any hope of a reconciliation if you are sure there isn't going to be one
- Reduce if not cease all contact at least until you both have had time to deal with emotions and move on
- Do not flaunt a new lover in front of your ex, don't hurt them any more than you need to
- Be wary of discussing details with mutual friends, they will tell your ex everything
- Do not try to get your ex jealous either through social media or any other way. This is probably one of the most important and most common things that people do to each other. Even if you broke up with your ex because they hurt you, is there any point stooping to their level to hurt them back? It may just cause retaliation and you'll see them flaunt new lovers in front of you.
- Social media in general: Do not make status' about your ex, upload 'i'm over it' photos of you happily out with other people or have your news feed/twitter consumed with conversations of you with the opposite sex to get your ex jealous.
- If you see your ex out, which is a difficult thing to experience, it's best to just say hello and smile and make an exit rather than ignore this person. Ignoring them shows you're still hurt by them, and not only that it shows an immaturity. If they ignore you then fair enough, at least you know you made the right decision in breaking up with them
- Do not make your breakup public on social media, there are settings so that you don't have to announce to the world that things are over. It's not pretty when you see a big broken heart symbol on your news feed, and everyone asking what happened
If someone breaks up with you, it is so easy to let emotions drive your actions and you may end up walking away from a situation not only hurt but embarrassed by the way you acted. Here is some advice on how to walk away from a breakup initiated by your ex, and keep your dignity. Some of the advice is the same as above but there are other things you need to consider when you are not the one that has made the decision to end things.
DEALING WITH A BREAKUP MATURELY
- It may not be your decision or what you want, but accepting that your relationship is over is the best thing you can do. The easier you accept the decision the more surprised your ex will be
- Cut all communication, show them that if they don't want to be with you, they aren't going to be able to talk to you when they want
- Go out with friends and just have a good time, don't go out with the need to meet someone else, or make them jealous. Just go out with the intention to enjoy spending time with your friends, something that normally happens less when you're in a relationship
- Keep busy, especially in the early days. You may feel like sulking around the house or crying into your pillow, but just get outside. Go for a walk to the park, or shopping (retail therapy!), the more you get out the better you'll feel, and it's less time spent looking at your phone
- Do not get drunk and tell them you still love them, or send an angry text, and don't write a letter to them. I'm sure there's a lot you want to say and ask about the situation, but it's not a good time to do so
- Don't listen to friends who want to tell you what your ex is up to or gossip about your breakup. They aren't true friends if they secretly delight in your breakup, do not give them the satisfaction of telling you your ex got with someone else at a club last night etc
- Do not consume alcohol and call or text your ex with either abuse or nostalgia for your relationship
- Don't jump into another relationship, or get with someone just because you're hurt. You'll regret it and if there was a way to mend your broken relationship, doing that would well and truly end things
- Never go on a night out with the intention of bumping into your ex. It's so tempting to do this but you may regret it when you see them with someone else. Plus alcohol and ex's never ends well, you'll probably end up getting jealous or upset and crying in the toilets
If you want your ex back the best thing you can ever do is move on with your life, show them that you don't care and that you're happy. Even if inside you're still hurting and you cry every night, do not let them see that side of you. People are attracted to others who are strong, independent and happy, not someone who calls 10 times a day to cry and ask why you can't get back together.
“If you really love something set it free. If it comes back it’s yours, if not it wasn’t meant to be.”
Breakups hurt, and we all go through them. Nothing anyone says will help your situation, all you can do is let time heal your wounds and in the mean time keep yourself busy. The best way to move on from any relationship is with your head held high knowing that you didn't embarrass yourself in any way. It is so difficult to not let emotions drive you to looking like an insane person who just wants their ex back, but trust me if you don't do the above things and instead keep yourself busy you'll come off looking like a strong individual, and other people will be attracted to you for that.
‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Alfred Lord Tennyson
Lots of love,
Samantha Dawn
xoxo
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